There are days when I love living on a busy street in town...and then there are days I want to keep the blinds closed.  One year ago today I closed the blogger blinds into our life.

Why exactly? I can't say. Perhaps it had something to do with the pressures that come with putting your ideas/opinions/pictures/thoughts "out there." I've never been very good with pressure.

But here I am, pulling back the curtains and allowing once again for people to peer into our life. And for whatever it is worth, I hope it makes you smile. I hope it makes you think...and I hope it makes you walk in grace.

And that is all for today.

Starting of a Day

The Magnificat

My soul glorifies the Lord

and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior

for he has been mindful
of the humble estate of his servant.

From now on all generations will call me blessed,

for the Mighty One has done great things for me --

holy is his name.

His mercy extends to those who fear him, 

from generation to generation.

He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;

he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts

He has brought down rulers from their thrones

but he has lifted up the humble.

He has filled the hungry with good things

but he has sent the rich away empty.

He has helped his servant Israel,

remembering to be merciful

to Abraham and his descendants forever,

just as he promised our ancestors." - Luke 1:46-55

Magnificent was inspired by the Magnificat, a passage from the Goepel of Luke in the voice of the Virgin Mary...There's this theme running through the album of surrender and devotion and all the things I find really difficult." - Bono

I was born

To be with you

In this space of time

After that and ever after I haven't had a clue

Only to break rhyme

This foolishness can leave a heart black and blue

Only love can leave such a mark

But only love can heal such a scar

I was born to sing for you

I didn't have a choice but to lift you up

And sing whatever song you wanted me to

I give you back my voice

From the womb my first cry, it was a joyful noise

Justified till we die, you and I will glorify

The Magnificent

Worship today for you have been given the Spirit of the living God.

Sing today for your life are a joyful poem when you follow the rhyme of the Creator. 

Rejoice for the Grace that is new today!

Beyond My Imagination

It is my ninth Mother's Day. And I've learned so little of this task.

I spent many years before I had kids imagining them. Assuming they would be one way or another. Planning how they would behave and supposing the kind of mother I would be. Life would be perfect because I would be perfect. I was awesome with kids.

Through my first pregnancy, I imagined this little life. Naming him with a picture of how I assumed he would be. Tussled brown hair...a little long...a boy who loved sports and maybe even skateboarding: Jake.

My second pregnancy felt good. Sure parenting came with its challenges, but Jake was well-behaved and smart. (almost too smart). He didn't love sports, but he sure could identify a trapezoid from a rhombus or a deciduous from coniferous. I felt a little sorry for those mothers whose 2 year olds were stuck on one word phrases and tantrums. Two kids. Two boys. If anyone could do it, it was me.

Two was good. I was good at it. They loved each others. Best friends from day one. Boys, dirt, snails, messy table, I embraced it all. No...Max couldn't talk when he was two...but he tried. He tried when he was three...and four...but he wasn't able to be understood. Well...a good mom knows when to seek help. That's okay. Speech therapy can fix that. He also despised sitting down at the table do look at shapes or numbers. If there was a button, that was much better.

Number three came (Ollie)...and three months later, number four. (Noah) Boys out our ears. I was too busy to plan or assume. Life these days was more of a "roll with the punches" and "keep my head above water" time of life. I saved myself by keeping to myself. It was in this time I felt like a failure. Sheesh...I even resorted to leashes for O and N. (yeah...they are disguised like cute little animal packs...but we all know better).

Five. Number Five. Pink. Despite my failed assumptions in the past, I imagined a little girl just. like. me. (as I have been told) I was quiet, calm, sensitive, and often would put myself to bed.

Well, somewhere along the path of motherhood I think I realized something. Children...are not products of my imagination. Oh how boring life would be if they were.

We took a walk in the woods today. Just me and my kids. There was no hurry, no one to behave for, my reputation as a "good mom" was not being scrutinized and so I just let them be. And watched.

I watched and laughed with them as their individuality shone through and I realized the beauty of God's creative power in their unique, varied personalities. Seriously, my kids are so different from one another it's a wonder why I haven't developed split personalities just trying to parent these five.

I watched Jake as he occasionally paused his ever-running game of spies, jungle explorer, etc. to look at sap running down a tree...a unique flower...a beetle with no apparent wing-armor. If only I could have watched inside his head. I watched (but tried not to believe my eyes) as I realize there is less play...and more glimpses of a future adult.

I watched Max try his very best not to touch his sister. Refrained hugs, soft pats on the back, keeling down and jumping out of the way when she screamed. I watched him hop and dance around...tease and hug. I noticed just how many times he tries to make me smile by saying exactly what he thinks I want to hear.

I watched Noah trying to be big. Mimicking what his brothers do...looking up with permission for everything he knows I might hesitate to say yes about...or avoiding eye-contact and just trying it out if he really wants to do it. I watched him watch his brothers and try things over and over until he got it. I watched him look back at me...smile...and RUN full speed down a hill as if to say "watch me...believe in me."

I watched Ollie as I walked backwards. (Ollie is often bringing up the rear while I usually spend my time pulling him ahead with my words: "Come on, hurry up, faster.") But I saw him as he had conversations with himself...and a bug...and his cracker. Ollie (like Jake) often lives in his head. He is the smallest of my sons, but as I watched I saw him handle situations in ways more grown up than the others. He doesn't push ahead to lead the way, or try to climb highest on the hill or rocks. Ollie enjoys just "being."

I watched Lily as she walked around in her ready to overcome whatever came her way. I watched her accept and refuse the help of her brothers. I saw at some point, each brother willingly yielding to her wants. I watcher her watch...observe...and take in life; and I wondered what she will do with the information that comes through her perceptive eyes.

These kids are not what I wanted them to be. I can not make them what I want them to be. They are more than I ever imagined, with traits that I only dream of having ways of seeing the world I long for.  It is God who made them the people HE wanted them to be. The best I can do is to lead them into a life of glorifying Him as their creator. For that is what they were created to do.

*Sigh*


Watch you kids today, mothers. See their unique person-hood and enjoy them. They are only in your hands for a little while.

 Happy Mother's Day. 

A Hug

If you've never spent time listening to Michael Card...you are missing something. 

As a child he illustrated Scripture for me, encouraged me. I remember being so excited when, at a concert, he stopped in the hallway to talk with me. 

And now that I'm grown, I am not sure if I can fully say how much his music has means to my life and understanding of the Christian journey. We listen to the songs together...them finding color and life in the unique way he tells the Stories as I hear truth in the most simple ways...brought out in his songs. 

So when I heard he was going to be in Portland, there wasn't much of a hesitation to go. With all 5 kids. You see, they too have come to love the music he sings. The stories he tells. I wanted them to be able to see him in person. 

We took our seats, settled the kids for the hour wait before the concert started. We saw him walking about in the hallway. So...we went to meet him. First Jake and Max...then Noah came trotting along...each one saying hello and shaking his hand as he spoke ever so patiently with them. 

Then Ollie realized he had missed the chance and asked "PLEEEAAAASSEEE....can I go??????" But he had gone. 

Soon he came and saw down in the back and Ollie just HAD to have a chance to go say hello. The following is the conversation. 

Michael: "Well hello there!" 

Ollie: -------------- (if you know Ollie...insert his scrunched up lip face)

Michael: "What happened to your head...

silence

Michael: "It looks like you got a little bump."

Ollie: ----------------

Michael. "Your shoes don't have any laces in them. 

Ollie: ---------------------- (small glance at his shoes)

Michael: "You see...I notice everything." 

Me: "Well Ollie...we should go sit down now. Can you say goodbye?

Ollie: ----------- 

And then...with one sudden movement...his arms shoot out to ask for a hug. 

(Big hug) 

Michael: "I needed that." 

They wiggled and squirmed through the concert (it was very long and late for three toddlers) and occasionally popped their heads up when they knew one of the songs. I walked around with Lils...I didn't hear everything and was distracted...but it was worth it. Having my kids share a love for his music and a love for those songs was worth it. I hope they never forget.

And the next day...Ollie asked if we could see Michael Card again. 

Small Things, Big God

Taking out student loans as a family of 7...in our 30s is, well, a bit troubling to a worry prone mind. Let's just say it isn't ever that far from my thoughts. A certain internet article, or financial hurdle, or a random thought can start me on a downward spiral of hypothetical scenarios or a desperate number grasp to have it all "figured out" in my head.

Needless to say, it takes far too long to hand these thoughts over to the One who is taking care of us.

But today I did...once again: acknowledging His control and promise of provision. Then I headed out the door for a garage sale promising cheap children's clothing.

I didn't expect to find a pair of the exact sandals in the exact size that I have been wanting for my boys.

And I certainly didn't expect them to be a dollar.

But I should know better by now. We will be taken care of...

often in surprising ways.

Trail Time: Takena Landing

Corvallis has a book. It's called Corvallis Trails and it is FULL of miles of what we love about the Valley: woods, rivers, wildlife, and (above all) open roads for the boys to explore. 

In our quest for free family fun, we decided to see how many trails we can blaze. Here is our first.

TAKENA LANDING (North Albany) 

Right on Hwy 20 before you go over the bridges. 

The parking area was the perfect place for a pre-hike snack. Picnic benches sit next to the river and boat docks provide entertainment (what is it about standing near the edge of a river?) 

 At the trail head. Ready to GO.

And they're OFF. The trail basically follows the river...peaking every once in a while down a little trail to the banks.

The path is packed dirt (small puddles of mud after the rain)

A flat trail...with no significant incline makes it easy on little legs of toddlers.

I would recommend staying on the trail. Below is a picture of stinging nettle. Lesson one of trail-hiking. We can all identify it now. Unfortunately, not before two hikers decided to hide off the trail. 

It was a very nice hike. The trial is around 4 miles round trip, but we turned back and walked a total of 1.8 miles. 

wildlife count: 

2 snakes

1 woodpecker

2 butterflies

2 redish snails

Today's Productivity

It was supposed to be a "productive day."  You home schooling, stay-at-home moms will know what I mean. A day where I can say "We got everything done! Reading, writing, grammar, math, history, science...EVERYthing. Done."

This morning I couldn't sleep after Josh left early, so I had some time to catch up on news while kids were sleeping. But...the recent political "thing" regarding stay-at-home moms got me pondering my place, my life and my responsibilities. Then a conversation with a sister made me smile...and I looked at the eyes of my kids begging to complete their "rock people." Math could wait.

You could say that a "job" requires measurable results in a limited amount of time. This is not a job...and I don't work. We live. Yes, at times life is hard...but it is beautiful.

So we got out the paints, turned on The Long Winter CD and enjoyed being together. Rock painting turned into water-colors...and the hours passed.

My goal (above training my children for a "job") is to teach my children how to live.

Entire unit studies can be completed by simply answering the question "why" and taking the time to follow the trails of conversation. One purposed trip to the ocean can educate children more than a month of classwork, and keeping their passion for learning alive will do them more good than hours of forced study.

This is my job, work, life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.